It has been two months
My cousin recently asked me whether this trip is what I though it would be and I thought that this would be a good place to start this post off.
It has been two months since I skyrocketed. Two months in Colombia. And in this time, I have already learned so much about the culture, Spanish language and of course about myself.
As mentioned in Ep28. with Melly, it is so important to have an open mind when travelling solo. Speaking to my sister a couple of weeks ago.. she encouraged me to be a yes-man providing it doesn’t put me in danger.
‘If you’re thinking about doing something, you should probably do it’
I can certainly say that I arrived here with an open mind and minimal expectations. If anything, the only expectation I really had was to speak Spanish and make sure I was learning. Naturally in order to do that, I had to be open minded and step out of my comfort zone at times to make a conscious effort.
Is it what I thought it would be? I don’t think I have a straight answer for this question as I didn’t know what it would be like. It is very easy to base expectations from videos watched online.. but to be honest I didn’t really do that as I needed to ensure that my experience is mine. Nevertheless, so far all is going well. Really well, gracias a Dios.
One thing for sure, I have been feeling super grateful. I think it is also the reflective aspect of December that is making me feel the need to say this explicitly.
Since being here I have really managed to switch off. Though I still spend time on social media, I noticed that nothing is sticking which is a good thing. That’s not to say that I am ignorant to what is happening in the world since I’ve left. It just isn’t taking up as much space as it would have done if I was still in my previous working routine. Part of being switched off has also meant that I haven’t been checking in with my friends as much as I would have wanted to. This is something I am generally working on but they haven’t failed to do so for which I love them so much.
Switching off doesn’t mean that I don’t miss aspects of pre-sabbatical life. I miss my friends and family. Having routine. Having everything I need available to me in a heartbeat. One of the things I also kind of miss is having cultural familiarity. I am not too sure how to explain this but things like eating food from my countries and being easily relatable with people around me.
What has really helped is having some well-spiced Hausa kooko on me. Firstly, it is very easy to prepare and filling. I have only prepared it on days I’ve felt a bit unwell. Having something from home in moments like those comforts me.
Something else that has had an unexpected impact are the books I’m reading. [My friends are very thoughtful as they knew I couldn’t carry my bookshelf so they bought me a Kindle - I swear by it] The books I’ve read so far have been by Nigerian and Black British authors. Their way of writing and the stories told make me feel connected to the communities I identify with and relate to. Though I am physically away from my tribe, through reading, I maintain that sense of belonging.
And in that order
One thing that has been so consistent ever since I arrived here in Colombia are the initial questions people have asked me:
Tienes esposo?
Do you have a partner?Tienes hijos?
Do you have children?Cuanto anos tienes?
How old are you?
I kid you not, it has always been in this order.
I never really understood why this information mattered to them. I asked this question at the finca where I was volunteering. Firstly.. why do Colombians love love? Outward and public expression of love. It is of course not a bad thing, it just stood out to me. Having someone to share life with, give love to, receive love from, is perceived to be very important. Regardless of marriage.
It is not unusual for women to have children young. When I say young, I mean, 4 kids by 25 and 8 grandchildren by 43 young. Perhaps this is why faces are slightly pulled when they hear I am 31 without children. As if it is too late for me. But most understand that women ‘over there’ tend to have children later.
Mi reina..
Terms of endearment are really a thing here! I have such a love hate relationship with them.
Everywhere I went whether it be vendors or bus drivers I would be met with mi Reina. I didn’t understand why because they really didn’t know me from Adam. But I guess it is a way of showing and respect. Initially I was really stunned and thought whether I was the only one being called this because I am a foreigner but the day I took the bus from Armenia to Salento, a young man helped me with my bags and the bus driver said ‘gracias mi rey’ to him. At that point, I let any contempt that I had against it go. It is clearly a very normal thing to do but also a thing I struggle, and always have, accepting.
I find receiving terms of endearment from people other my than my friends, family and lovers strange. I think it is because I received quite a lot of unwanted attention from older men when I was younger and those would be the terms used to address or approach. For that reason I really detested it and need to have some type of relationship with someone for it to run.
I know nothing bad is meant by it but I guess those past experiences have made me feel this way. If anything, I think it is very beautiful to express love, respect and affection through words and compliments. And of course, the recipient feels good. When I switched my hair up, Luna (the 3y/o) kept telling me and her mum how beautiful I looked. This was so heartwarming because it came out so naturally and sincere. Definitely taking a leaf out of her book.
I think the next stage of this trip to to familiarise myself more with Afro Colombian culture starting with visiting Palenque near Cartagena. I think I may want to take some Spanish lessons just to polish up and feel little more confident when speaking.
Like I said earlier, so far so good. Gracias a Dios.
